being a person who relies heavily on physical affection while also being a person who does not get very much physical affection is a lil exhausting and saddening
it’s 2014 why do boys still think girls like the smell of axe
idk bout u but i love the smell of an axe in my hands. smells like wood polish and cold iron. smells like power and fear.
Or maybe boys wear axe for themselves and don’t need to do things for women’s approval.
i hope cecil has at some point been walking down the street with carlos in the middle of the day and he looks up and sees
and just loses it
"IT’S DAYTIME! WHAT IS IT DOING UP THERE, CARLOS? IT’S STILL THERE!! IS IT NOT SATISFIED WITH LOITERING UP THERE BEING ALL FANCY AND ‘OH, LOOK AT ME, I’M THE MOON!’ AT NIGHT, SO IT’S JUST HERE NOW?? THAT JERK!!”
spread far and wide
i want realistic modern fantasy like
someone finding a dragon egg and livetweeting the process of trying to hatch it (with no prior knowledge on how a dragon egg should be hatched)
a guy selling an enchanted sword on craigslist
a tattoo artist who does spell runes but for really mundane stuff like conjuring a bound demonic pen or for summoning your keys
summoning a demon for the vine
selfies with mermaids
prank calling wizards
holy shit cows are huge
And apparently very cuddly
I can verify cows are both and they lick like giant slobbery cats.
She’s got a booty like a Cadillac and I’ve got one like an outdated four-door sedan with two flat tires, a dent from a renegade fire hydrant, and possibly an infestation of badgers.
No one on earth will ever make me feel ashamed of reading children’s books.
Surely it’s not that government stifles progress, holds people in poverty, invades privacy, wastes enormous amounts of money, regulates businesses into oblivion, attacks religious liberty, and erodes personal liberty. No, it’s just that “cynical geniuses” in the Republican party have tricked you into believing so. Thats why you don’t trust the government, says Barack Obama, the man in charge of the largest government in history.
President Obama on Friday blamed dysfunction in Congress on a Republican Party he said is captive to an ideologically rigid, unproductive and cynical faction, urging like-minded Democrats to show up for November’s midterm elections.
Addressing Democratic donors at a fundraiser in Rhode Island and another in New York, Obama said Republicans had realized that blocking all progress led Americans to become cynical about government. Republicans consider that “a pretty good thing” because they don’t believe in government to begin with, Obama said.
"It doesn’t have to be that way," Obama said during a barbecue in Purchase, New York. "There has been a certain cynical genius to what some of these folks have done in Washington."
Later, at an event in Newport, Rhode Island, he told donors: “The answer to our challenges is actually pretty simple. We need a better Congress.”
Shorter Obama: “All my problems are somebody else’s fault, and if you don’t believe me, you’ve been duped by cynical geniuses.”